Here

There is much truth to silence. There is more depth to a smile than one can fathom. There is only loss in  heart that wanders. 

I haven't written much since the last year, whether to blog or to write on a journal; not that there is a lack of thoughts to ponder nor are there less reasons to ignite the writing flame in me. I have been somewhat preoccupied with other matter such as school and ultimate frisbee as becoming major parts of my life (yes, analogy intended).  I have committed myself to becoming active once again in Jzone as to rekindle the Spirit indwelling me, starting with the college movement. On top of all the excuses I can gather, it is because I have been content in my life with nothing too great to handle for me. I dread, however, admitting to myself that things have started to go off track in terms of academics that as the year ends, the requirements pile up and I am left buried in the heap that i to built my future. 

It has been quite a struggle to get away all the complications that the heart harbors, being able to move past the past without losing yourself in the process has never been an easy task for anyone. But, lately, I have found myself distracted by these things and more focused on another venture. A possibility is what I consider - the "perhaps" box is where that's placed. Let's say that I have cut off my heart from getting in the way of some innocent flirting and some harmless banter. But truth be told, it has ever been completely possible.  Though I may not have those strong feelings or any claim, I look forward to each conversation and reached a point of checking for an update more and more often than is acceptable for one who seems not interested. Many have said that change has consumed my perhaps and it is only now that I see the change - and I must contest on its good nature. I can only hope that "allizzwell". 

Midnight Minutes

Now Playing: Songs by Spongecola, Up Dharma Down, Hale, Moonstar 88, and Rivermaya

The fact that the day has turned anew and these eyes remain unclosed for no dreams have driven me to lay rest on soft comfort raises a sign that this sacred time permits an outflow of thoughts.

Thought #1:
It takes considerably less effort to attempt friendship than to stand firm in an unfriendly disposition toward a former desired; taking all of 3 miserable, inescapable weeks of giving conscious effort to move further and appear as though the consequences brought about are not even worth a fleeting thought. Weak, I know. However not all things turn sour under pressure, the result of my wavered mind: time and effort spent less on convincing myself to stay clear as I no longer feel a conscientious hand pushing me back.

Thought #2:
I really ought to thank my Dad. Certain kinds of food I have discovered are to my liking despite a horrible recollection of the past; the same goes for reading I suppose. If it weren't for his consistent nagging, I would never have found an interest in spending my days comfortably in bed with a book and a few "breaks" maybe (I shan't divulge the meaning as it must remain an inner truth for now). Sembreak this year will probably be spent on reading books. I'm on my 4th book already and I have no plans of losing interest. Currently I have put down Serpent's Shadow and trade it with a quite popular novel, Looking for Alaska; I have high hopes as I do for any book that its style and ideas prove to be more enticing than the advertising of people.

Thought #3:
Many including myself have lost the sense of patriotism to the country and have no inclination as to desiring to gain it back. The concert Ang Bagong Harana we had watched the previous night has imparted inspiration on Mom and now, as usual, I will never hear the end of it. Honestly I might not die for the country as much as I am willing to work for its better, brighter future that is constructed only by hope and prayers. Although in my own little way tonight I turn over to my culture and listen to songs composed and sung by local artists, OPM fills the room with its meaningful words and familiar tunes.

The songs play and play and stars they simply shine tonight. Infinity grows larger in these moments and time passes more slowly. Midnight flows into dawn ridding the past of its mistakes to pave way for new ones. For as the sun rises, the eyes that look toward the sky are made vulnerable to the massive world with new mistakes to be made and principles to stand by as we believe in Truth.

A Prelude to Prayer

Now Playing: My Heart Will Wait by Joe Brooks

Tonight a friend of mine had encouraged me to start blogging once again. I stopped writing a while back and it has always struck in some rather neglected area of my mind that I was meant to go back to it. Admittedly, my writing is not what is used to be; words always spill out but the right ones have become harder to come by. Although this post is evidence enough that I had been encouraged, I feel that this isn't exactly what she meant - that I should be writing about how I experience God on a daily, weekly, chance encouter basis; this, is a prelude to that which I may actually get enough initiative to start.

"25th September 2012
The lush grass far off on the other side
Enticing these wandering eyes
Greener, brighter, grander than anything I grasp in my own domain.
Full of unfathomable beauty is the horizon far beyond the raging seas.
The eyes, the wandering eyes, straining just to catch a fleeting glimpse of a fading sun
But oh these feet, cursed they are for they hold the eyes from its desires.
For the feet refuse to step into unknown pastures.
The eyes they see what the feet can only follow;
But to the unknown it will not dare
Twenty-four borders encase a beating hope,
In all its fear of journeying out into a land without barriers, pulls these shackles closer, tighter

And though with time the heart aspires, to break free and break away;
In time it finds the courage to beat against the bonds that only hold the pain of the past
No hope is completely lost, no dreams absolutely abandoned, not yet.
The heart, in its cage waits, searching for a new promise
A promise of a different forever, to rewrite history.


Upon reading the words of the hopeful heart, my ventures has only yelded the opposite of its design. The final "G" that had dominated the last of my G's as well as my life; soon had I experienced an encounter with my literary formator and still terrified I am for what might be said. Although say it, I will.

The More You Don't, The More You Do

Now Playing: One Day You Will by Lady Antebellum

Don't think about an elephant...

I can bet that that's what you're thinking of right now.

Studies show that when parents disallow and reprimand their child there is a greater tendency for the child to do just what they're not supposed to. And the same goes with issues of the heart. At some point, one may call it being stubborn - but I say, that that's just the way we were built to think. Perseverance rather than stubbornness. If there's one thing I learned from basketball, it's to never give up, especially when there seems to be only defeat at the imminent sound of the buzzer.

Perseverance. The driving force that has lead me to where I am tonight. The lasting initiative to continue in pursuit of the 3G's. Goals, Grades and a secret G that I can't disclose with you, not just yet. But I will say this, we're closer than ever.

If There's One Thing

Now playing: Hari ng Sablay - Sugarfree






If there's one thing I hate, it's second guessing myself, knowing that I can do better but choose to give up out of frustration. Many say that if it's no pain, there's no gain; and I believe this is true, don't get me wrong but what I'm thinking is that is the pain worth it? Would putting myself through that be worth it or could I be doing better of my time elsewhere? Thoughts like these tend to ponder in my mind at these times of the night, wherein I am left alone with just the echo of my own ideas.

If it seems too vague, what I'm talking about is not something deep nor is it something of love. It's not about sports, as it usually is, nor family. Schoolwork, that's what eating me. I have two exams coming up in few hours, one after the other and if you have to know, I've only studied for my majors. I keep thinking there's too little time for me to get everything in my head, but the problem is, I don't start early.

If there are two things I can't stand, it's how lazy I can be and knowing that there is just one thing that kept me from what I wanted. What I make up for in perseverance in my athletic dreams I lack in academics. Sometimes I honestly think that I simply bide my time studying just waiting for the day I leave it behind. I can't seem to find the happiness in what I'm learning anymore; everything is just a blur in my mind and it all seems unimportant at the moment. Maybe my words don't make sense, maybe it's just the fact that it's 2:45am. The latter part of what I can't take is the fact that being born the way I was was what kept me from what I once dreamed of. All the nights I kept my distance, trying to be safe, turned out to be a wasted effort. As it turns out I can change who I am, who my friends are, what kind of person I want to be; however, I can't change way I was born - as that was what was getting in the way.

Hopefully parents stay out of the blogsphere and let these words flow past their minds, because I wouldn't have things any other way.

And if there's one thing I love, it's the company I keep. That's all there is to it.

Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus

-- Spoken Word Poetry http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IAhDGYlpqY

There isn't much to this guy, I mean he is a nobody to me; but one thing I admire is his confidence in his faith. Religion to me was never a great a part of my life, what was was my friends, my sports and my family; and one thing remained the same - they were not Christ-centered.

Relationship > Religion

What's the use of doing anything, whether practicing our faith or simply making a choice, if we didn't believe in it? Like a chicken whose head is lost, we fall into the patterns of traditions through countless generations. The essence of what is true is enveloped by the need to check a box of a list of to do's and there seems to be no stopping it from fading into the act. Jesus. God. Sin. Those are the important things, it's not about how much we've done, it's about how much He's done for us. The death on the Cross should never be taken lightly, just imagine how much pain one person was willing to go through for someone born centuries later and bound to sin just like those before him.

One man bearing the sin of the world. Phew. I'm just glad it wasn't me; but the fact of the matter is, it was for me. I am saved, not by the things I've said or done to show how my life has turned around. I was saved by the obedience of this guy named Jesus. I was given the benefit of freedom at no cost at all (Economics majors, I know you know what I mean).

There's much to say and much to do, but if not for death and spilled blood, it would all be to no end. To quote from the video, "religion says do, Jesus says done...Salvation is freely mine, and forgiveness is my own. Not based on my merits but His obedience alone. That's why it's called grace."

Just The Best

Now playing: Best Days by Matt White

These are the best days... Simply spending time doing the things I love with the people I love. And, I just can't seem to get enough of them. In other words, another day out with the block. It's seems like such a long time ago since we all met, but each day is something new and there is almost never a dull moment with these people. I tell you, get a block, stick with it; you'll do wonders together!

PLUS: JIMO, WIS AND BENJ! (waley kayo pic sakin)