If there's one thing I hate, it's second guessing myself, knowing that I can do better but choose to give up out of frustration. Many say that if it's no pain, there's no gain; and I believe this is true, don't get me wrong but what I'm thinking is that is the pain worth it? Would putting myself through that be worth it or could I be doing better of my time elsewhere? Thoughts like these tend to ponder in my mind at these times of the night, wherein I am left alone with just the echo of my own ideas.
If it seems too vague, what I'm talking about is not something deep nor is it something of love. It's not about sports, as it usually is, nor family. Schoolwork, that's what eating me. I have two exams coming up in few hours, one after the other and if you have to know, I've only studied for my majors. I keep thinking there's too little time for me to get everything in my head, but the problem is, I don't start early.
If there are two things I can't stand, it's how lazy I can be and knowing that there is just one thing that kept me from what I wanted. What I make up for in perseverance in my athletic dreams I lack in academics. Sometimes I honestly think that I simply bide my time studying just waiting for the day I leave it behind. I can't seem to find the happiness in what I'm learning anymore; everything is just a blur in my mind and it all seems unimportant at the moment. Maybe my words don't make sense, maybe it's just the fact that it's 2:45am. The latter part of what I can't take is the fact that being born the way I was was what kept me from what I once dreamed of. All the nights I kept my distance, trying to be safe, turned out to be a wasted effort. As it turns out I can change who I am, who my friends are, what kind of person I want to be; however, I can't change way I was born - as that was what was getting in the way.
Hopefully parents stay out of the blogsphere and let these words flow past their minds, because I wouldn't have things any other way.
And if there's one thing I love, it's the company I keep. That's all there is to it.
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