I come from the standpoint of demanding the luxury of some level of independence or maybe free choice, if that were at all a plausible cause. One wiser might say this is but a childish rebellion but from here I take on rebellion and challenge for reason (not treason). Standing on a time when I have broken free from the thrall of mindless obedience, and turn to seek for mutual recognition of the present conundrums.
Would it be a valid argument to ask, "what is the point?" Or does it automatically constitute defiance? Being in the position I am in, I dare not threaten judgement for fear of exactly the latter. Of the question, it is a point well made by those who have imposed this monarchic, sovereign power for perhaps two decades, such that I remain in no place to demand justification for the reasoning that I am subjected to in not pursuing my own desires. At this point in my life, the desires that have filled me are that of somewhat simpler callings - friendship, closeness, progress, and small scale success; and, I have found a place that offers all and more than what I had initially hoped for. Sports has always been my passion, my comfort, and to have that taken has dampened my spirits me in many ways than one. Many highlights of my life have come from experiences from basketball and ultimate - experiences that I hope never to stray from my mind. Over the years, I have taken refuge under the surprisingly calming feeling of competition; the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual release arising from such activities pose not a threat to my well-being but rather peace, and at time catharsis. I long, now, for the feeling of overwhelming peace found in a moment of desperation - desperation in the dying seconds of a teeth clenching game, desperation during the last point of a do or die.
Apart from the countless wins, championships, teams that I have had the privilege of representing, it is the feeling of utter joy in these moments that make it all worthwhile.
Although the best memories are from that, so are some of the worst; not so much the loss of a game but of the separation from my passion. Pouring my heart out to something and having it pulled like a rug underneath me just takes a heavy toll........
